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Beauty Is Skin Deep Unless the Laser Malfunctions
by Beth Kane
The evening started out as a family Bar-B-Que. LoLaDrO prepared wonderful appetizers, and we all shared family stories with the Virginia, California, Maryland, Massachusetts, and Ohio cousins who gathered together. We discovered just as the time came to cook the meat that the gas grill was broken. Craig nearly blew his head off trying to ignite the thing. Lucky for us, Marian had a huge lasagna in the oven (and since there were about 20 of us, we needed a huge lasagna to steel us for what was to come.)
The plastic surgery party started just after dinner. No card games for this crew. A cousin, who shall remain anonymous, is a sales rep for a medical equipment company that makes a top notch $150,000 laser for removing spider veins and old age spots. He kindly offered a demonstration of the wonderful contraption he had in his car. Well, family members were practically knocking one another over the have their blemishes removed. First he said he needed someone to hold the "smoke hose." Bethie volunteered. When that laser starts burning, it's gonna get a little smelly in here," my cousin explained. Then everyone had to put on huge laser-proof sunglasses. The problem was the two dogs kept wandering (without their glasses) into the room and someone would have to shoo them out. There's no way they'd wear glasses.
Rebecca, who is relatively new to the family and unused to the family's boisterousness (for lack of a better word) said to me, "Some people are getting in line for seconds and thirds. That's not fair." Of course, they were my immediate family members, so all I could do was commisserate and shrug. Rebecca also hadn't had her turn yet.
I winced when Colleen lined up and said she had some tiny wrinkles around her eyes and asked that her entire face be "done" Oh, it was "done" alright. Colleen, who has always had the most beautiful porcelain complexion -- and still does even after her laser experience -- looked practically purple the next day. She looks great today. See her photo on commontales.
I leave this to some of the other relatives who participitated in this unusual family event to recall it. LoLaDrO, Marian, and I wanted no part of it. I, at least, still have my old age spots.
I just thought it was funny that we could not keep the thing powered up. It must have thrown the breaker 10 times and no one saw that as a red flag.
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